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Mares Eat Oats And I Eat Oats

March 13, 2012

Many fledgling cooks will tell you to cook real oats instead of instant oatmeal for a hearty and nutritious breakfast but any real advanced cook knows that instant oatmeal is great for saving time and resources. There’s already sugar and fruit in it so it saves your own sugar and fruit so you can use them for other more important dishes. So how do you cook instant oatmeal? I’ll show you.

First thing’s first: pour one of your oatmeal pouches into a bowl. The employees at the production company have already measured out a serving for you so please use the whole thing.

Fill the bowl with some cold tap water. Some cooks say the like to use milk because it has more body and nutrition but think about it. We’re about to stick this in the microwave and all that liquid is going to evaporate. It’s not milk time yet.

We’re going to microwave our oatmeal for one minute and thirty seconds. This is very important guys, please use your microwave splash shield, you’ll see why momentarily.

As you can see, my splash shield contained quite a few renegade oatmeal particles. This would be all over my microwave if I didn’t use my splash shield.

This picture represents unsuccessfully contained oatmeal particles even when I was using my splash shield, imagine how much there would be without.

This oatmeal is too thick and dry for consumption. See if some of you beginners can guess what the next step is before scrolling down to the answer.

Douse it in milk guys. This is what will make our breakfast unforgettable.

If you followed all these steps correctly you should be looking at a bowl of oatmeal this good. Make sure to let your bowl soak immediately after you finish eating to expedite particle liberation.

  1. Dear Dining With Dingnity,
    I have a chronic fear of oats due to a tragic incident in which a very dear friend of mine found a feminine bottle of sugary alcohol known as “smernoff ice” in his box of oats, along with a nasty note about homosexuality. Please can you tell me how to get over this fear that I might enjoy this tasty recipe?

    • Hmmm this is an interesting situation. Smernoff ace is actually a versatile ingredient. Maybe next time you’re cooking a dish that calls for red wine, try some ace instead and by using it as a vital ingredient in some of your best dishes your fear of oats will be relieved as well!

  2. kelly permalink

    “to expedite particle liberation”….. poetry

  3. Help!!!?! permalink

    But how do I get the oatmeal out of the pooches?!?!?!

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